Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
