We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
