She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
