He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
