I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
