I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
