Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
