you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
