apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i came on her dog
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
