there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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