I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
