Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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