He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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