look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
