Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
