I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
two words...techno handjob
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
