you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
