i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
