ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
