There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
