Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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