Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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