I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
