Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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