i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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