Need sex. Gaining weight.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
