Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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