i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
