Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
