How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize