Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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