something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
