Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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