I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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