quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
