There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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