i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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