I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
