Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
