We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
