Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
