Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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