New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
