I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
