did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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