Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
