This is not my ceiling
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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