He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
we're so committed to being not committed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
