Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
