whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
