Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
