I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
