I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
