what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize