whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
