did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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