I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
