Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
