It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
