what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
