no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
