I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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