The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
