If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
