he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
