Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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