he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
