For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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