So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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